8 Reasons Why I'm Glad I Never Went to College

By Rawrb on December 7th 2011, 1:00 AM

(If this article comes across as condescending, it's only because I'm awesome.)

Oh that's right. I'm gonna poke, prod, and grind into this subject until you walk away with an uncomfortable rash and/or electronic herpes.

Is college a waste of time? No. It's an UNSPEAKABLE waste of time. Every time my stupid band plays a show, or something cool happens, OR I wake up at 1:00 PM after saying up until 6:00 AM playing Skyrim/with myself, there's a part of me that says, "Thank you, NOT COLLEGE, for allowing me to enjoy the lifestyle that isn't misery."

How can I justify such a counter-intuitive and/or unconventional way of thinking? Oh let me count the ways.

8. Taking the road less traveled can yield greater rewards.

In our current society we are unknowingly preordained to follow a very specific, unspoken path in life:

  1. Allow yourself to be born
  2. Graduate high school
  3. Go to college
  4. Get a safe, boring, reliable job within a cubicle prison
  5. Get married
  6. Procreate
  7. Die from emphysema/dinosaur attack

Don't get pissy. Mom and Dad just want you to be safe and happy.

Safe?

As much as parents want you to be safe, there's a part of them that want you to be brave and bold because they weren't able to. Oh believe me, they'll never admit it.

Let this soak into your brain-pudding: the best success stories always begin with some sort of risk-taking. Thinking outside the box innovates. Nearly every piece of technology that you interact with started with some geek obsessing over it with very little formal education.

"I will never let school interfere with my education." - Mark Twain

7. I didn't have to pay for the most expensive party ever

Let's tackle the money thing first since finances always seem to skull-rape us extra hard.

Tuition Militia

Colleges are businesses. I'd be okay with this if, and only if, schools would preach college as an option in life and not a requirement.

Think about this: You're a senior in high school, graduating in a week. You've been pressured from parents, teachers, relatives, etc, to pick a school and a profession. How are you, at 17 or 18 years old, supposed to know what you want to do FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE UNTIL YOU ARE DEAD?

Enjoy 20 years of suffering, kiddo.

Most kids change their major several times before settling on something. That means they'll spend an extra year or two (OR MORE) in college... which ultimately means more money goes into the college.

There's just something... not right about that. Using social pressure on innocent kids to make a profit? Yeah. LAME. I know several people that changed their major on many different occasions and end up graduating with a degree they DON'T EVEN USE.

This'll also tickle your e-pickle: many kids will go to college to be part of that "party" atmosphere. Wanna know something funnier?

You don't even have to go to college to live on campus and party it up.

True story: Tempe, AZ is the the home of Arizona State University, home of one of the craziest, most party-ing-est campuses in the USA. Rather than do something silly like "go to college," I just moved into an apartment that was technically on campus.

Had myself a great time there and didn't get tens-of-thousands of dollars in debt.

I accept your praise and/or flipping of the bird.

6. I never have to set foot into a classroom ever again

Forget sleeping aids. If I ever, EVER need to get sleep, I just need to attend a class, especially one teaching a subject I'm not interested in.

I have the upmost respect for high school teachers. They get to be stuck in a room full of students who don't want to be there.

LARN STUFF

While I do think education is important, I also think we need to be a little realistic. What sort of real skills do the kids REALLY need? Can't they actually choose stuff they're interested in?

Sure, a broad education in the basics up through 8th grade makes sense, but after that kids should be able to pursue something they're really interested in.

Since we're on this stupid subject, school pretty much caters to those who are good at following directions. No conceptual thinking and/or outside-the-box artistic types are encouraged, just DO WHAT WE TELLS YOU OR YOU WILL FAIL FOREVER STUPID

5. I didn't have to maintain a "GPA"

The real world doesn't care about grades or if you've kept your nose in book longer than the person next to you.

Try it sometime, stupid.

Today's grading system is archaic and doesn't yield many rewards for kids to get a higher grade. Pretty much all you get is a pat on the head and not getting grounded by your parents.

What's wrong with overachieving at something you're INTERESTED in rather than a bunch of crap you don't care about?

New forms of punishment

Think about this: if there was real incentive to get higher grades, wouldn't that be a better example of how life really works? In the real world if you do something awesome, usually you get something in return. In school the most you get is either a trophy, a piece of paper basically saying, "YOU DID IT," or someone thinking you're kind-of smart.

All three of those things can be forged. :)

4. I Got to Disappoint All of my Relatives

Oh Rawrb, you so mean.

Just about everyone in my family had pictured me as an engineer, or a doctor, or in the air force. I wanted to make VIDEO GAMES.

We clashed.

Now while I haven't reached my goal of making extremely fun and/or addictive video games (and I will someday), I took up web development and Psychostick, both of which didn't exactly go over well with certain... uptight relatives.

Crazy Grandma.

Heh heh.

3. I don't have to deal with "prerequisites"

I don't think this needs much explanation.

Zelda games would suck if this were the truth.

When you boil things down, prerequisites are another way of getting more cash out of you. Some make sense, like taking geometry before you take courses on architecture, but most do not and should be done away with. ANGRILY.

2. I Actually Get to Do whatever I Want

So let's say you graduate college. Nowadays (and you can look up the statistics on this) you aren't even close to being guaranteed a job.

And even if you DO get that job you've been gunning for out of school, is that really what you want to do until you retire?

Same result with accounting degrees.

1. Bill Gates and Steve Jobs are college dropouts.

I gotta experience a real moneyfight once.
(Steve, you'll be missed)

Bottom line: Should you go to college? Only if YOU (and only you) decide to go. I also realize that craptons of classes and education is important for certain career choices, like becoming a surgeon or a nuclear physicist.

Don't go to college only because someone else wants you to. If you aren't sure what you want to do with your life, that's perfectly okay. Get out of your mom's basement and experience the real world for a while.

Not that Real World reality show crap.

Stupid.

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A product of boredom and Monty Python.