You might be thinking, "Gee, this Rawrb guy is a jerk. How could I possibly know the answer to these questions? I wasn't in a band straight outta the birth canal, shitbag!" If this is your thought, I apologize. Think of this as an informal education on the complicated world of touring.
Or, you can swim in a pool of ignorance and/or cat intestines. Up to you.
5. "Why aren't you in a tourbus?"
On average, a tour bus costs about $1000...
... PER DAY.
Think about how much it costs you to pay rent, your phone bills, etc. If you lived in a tour bus for an entire month, just ONE month, that's $30,000. THIRTY THOUSAND DOLLARS.
4. "Why aren't you coming to my isolated, desolate city just for me?"
This isn't really a DUMB question, but is (more or less) the one most frequently asked.
Honestly, there are many reasons, but you gotta remember that it's NOTHING PERSONAL between you and the band. Seriously.
Some reasons why we couldn't make it to your city: not in the routing, pay wasn't right, promoter was a douche, better offer two hours away, not a strong following in that city - the list could go on.
Actually... I take that back. It IS your fault that we don't play your little town. Why? Just... LOOK AT YOU! Have you SEEN you lately? Yikes.
3. "Why didn't you play every single song off of all of your records?"
Real explanation: Bands tend to only have 45 minutes or less to play. Hell, when we played Mayhemfest we only had TWENTY MINUTES, which was about 5 songs.
Believe me, unless they're complete doucherockets (and there are some out there), they bands aren't intentionally leaving out stuff because they don't like you.
2. "Why can't you play my house party?"
Parties are... unstable. So unstable in fact that we've only played one where we weren't ordered to shut down due to noise complaints. Then there's the drunken craziness that involves flying beer, stolen gear, and a plethora of other goofiness.
Oh, and parties suck. Just saying. :)
1. "Why aren't you more famous than CHRISTINA BEIBER SPEARS?"
It's no secret: The music industry doesn't sell music. They sell products.
Marketability and appeal to masses is what makes your band famous. Or "pop-star" or whatever. Oh, and money. The right amount of cash at the right time can do wonders for your act. Wonders.
Anyway, best thing to do is just write and perform what you love and throw various meat products at chicks go who clubbing. THAT is how you change things.
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